Funny Women Quotes and Sayings

• like If women didn’t exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
• I my whisky old and my women young. 
•        Women are like elephants. Everyone likes to look at them but no-one likes to have to keep one.
•       Most women are not as young as they are painted.
• What a strange thing man is; and what a stranger thing woman.

• From 40 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 15 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 40 feet away.

• I love women. They’re the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that’s fine.
• Women: Can’t live with them, can’t bury them in the back yard without the neighbours seeing.
• To generalize on women is dangerous. To specialize on them is infinitely worse.
• Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
• One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
• What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.
• A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s – That’s because she changes it more often.
• No man knows more about women than I do, and I know nothing.
• I’d much rather be a woman than a man. Women can cry, they can wear cute clothes, and they are the first to be rescued off of sinking ships.
• When a woman behaves like a man, why doesn’t she behave like a nice man ?
• Despite my thirty years of research into the woman soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that has never been answered: What does a woman want?
• Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?
• Women should have labels on their foreheads saying, ‘Government Health Warning: women can seriously damage your brains, current account, confidence, and good standing among your friends’.
• The man’s desire is for the woman; but the woman’s desire is rarely other than for the desire of the man
• What is better than wisdom? Woman. And what is better than a good woman? Nothing.
• A woman knows how to keep quiet when she is in the right, whereas a man, when he is in the right, will keep on talking.
• Woman is a miracle of divine contradictions.
• Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
• A woman is like a tea bag. She only knows her strength when put in hot water.
• Women are an alien race set down among us.
• Women… can’t live with ‘em… can’t shoot ‘em.
• Being a woman is a terribly difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men.
• Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good? Luckily, this is not difficult.
• When women go wrong, men go right after them.
• If a woman insists on being called Ms, ask her if it stands for miserable.
• A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
• There’s two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works.
• The great and almost only comfort about being a woman is that one can always pretend to be more stupid than one is and no one is surprised.
• Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.
• I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It’s the good girls men should be warned against.
• Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time…they’re gone.
• As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.
• Show me a woman who doesn’t feel guilt and I’ll show you a man.
• I hate housework. You make the beds, you wash the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
• When women kiss it always reminds me of prize fighter shaking hands.
• One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she’ll tell anything